Free Ebook How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, by David Richo
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How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, by David Richo
Free Ebook How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, by David Richo
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"Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life:
1. Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships.
2. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are.
3. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament.
4. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways.
5. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control.
When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation.
- Sales Rank: #12987 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Shambhala Publications
- Published on: 2002-06-18
- Released on: 2002-06-18
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.98" h x .74" w x 5.97" l, .88 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 272 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
From Publishers Weekly
Approaching the study of relationships from a psychotherapist's perspective is How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. Teacher and writer David Richo gives practical and spiritual exercises for couples and singles who want to have mature and lasting relationships. Emphasizing paying attention and letting go, Richo gently and compassionately coaches readers on what he calls the five A's: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing. His book, which proposes "letting go of ego," will help those seeking personal transformation in their relationships. (June)
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Review
"Well-constructed and thought-provoking."—Spirituality & Health
"An inspiring and highly practical guide to effective relationships."—Kathlyn Hendricks, coauthor of Conscious Loving and The Conscious Heart
About the Author
David Richo, PhD, is a psychotherapist, teacher, writer, and workshop leader whose work emphasizes the benefits of mindfulness and loving-kindness in personal growth and emotional well-being. He is the author of numerous books, including How to Be an Adult in Relationships and The Five Things We Cannot Change. He lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California.
Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Best book on relationships
By Amazon Customer
I found this book to be a great source of relief and understanding of myself, and my relationships. This book is great if you are wanting to understand why certain relationships in your life are rocky or not what you dreamt they would be. Every relationship starts with YOU (the reader) and once you understand more about yourself (the book helps you in this area) you can start to understand and accept the people in your life while learning to be at ease with you and what you need/require from a healthy relationship. I love this book and it's definitely not the "quick fix" to any problems in your relationship. This isn't the "dump him if.." or "she's no good if.. " this is the, "who are you in the relationship? Why are you in the relationship that you are in?" Fantastic book.
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Wow...
By J.M
This was a first. I read the book in two sittings, and the only reason I didn't finish it in the first....is because the book store was 5 minutes away from closing. I knew from page one that I wanted, no NEEDED, this book in my home library. The more I read, the more I wished I had a highlighter -- and I'm not one to write in a book. There is SO much wisdom contained in these pages. It's not the typical, "How to attract a partner" or "What you're doing wrong in relationships." It's an honest look at how we can create, nurture, and even end a relationship with respect, love, and honesty. It is profound, and yet so simple to read. In a world where people see relationships as a power play, where one person is the winner and the other the inevitable loser, this book reminds us that it's not "me against him" or "me against her," but "let's figure this out together." I just loved this book. Can't recommend it enough.
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Love the Book
By B. Mandel
Still in the beginning of the book, but just love it so far. It's already worth the money spent, which is why I feel comfortable giving it a premature review.
First, I'll comment on the seller, RRP Books, as I bought a used book. I found the seller's description of the book condition to be very accurate and would trust buying used books from them again. My book is in like new condition and was reasonably priced.
About David Richo... I see several people posted negative reviews and can't help but wonder if at least a few of them completely missed the mark of what the author is getting at in principle. This is not a save your relationship book at all... it is about using mindfulness to be a better partner in a relationship and also find more peace within yourself and your relationships with others... and one could extend these same principles to all interpersonal relationships, not just the romantic ones. I totally get and appreciate what the author is saying and find it immensely helpful. Also, I love that he's incorporating western psyche (Jung and others) and eastern mindfulness and detachment of ego. In essence we need to have a healthy Self and then let go of the egocentric part that sometimes induces fear-based and anxiety-driven thinking / action and impedes healthy relating and being. The author advocates loving through giving our partners (and I would say anybody we love) attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. This is a very healthy way of being, and by the way... if you are doing these things and are in a struggling relationship, you might be able to save it by becoming a better partner -that presupposes, of course, that the relationship is worth saving in that your partner is suitable and also willing to work on being a giving healthy partner who respects you. Equally, if you have to let go of a relationship, applying the principles and practices in this book could help you do so with less pain by realizing what is good and healthy for you and accepting yourself and your partner for who you are as individuals even if you can't make it together as a couple.
My own two cents... in my opinion, a lot of people in this world focus on giving their partner attention, appreciation, and affection early on in a relationship... but if these things dwindle later on they often give way to projected fears that the relationship has changed or one partner is not giving their all, or may be cheating, etc. etc. Really, though, how many people give their partner complete acceptance and allow them to be who they are as they are in the present moment without focusing too much on delving into the past or fearful projection about the future? Sometimes, though, a relationship isn't right for us. By practicing mindfulness we can see when a relationship is healthy, needs work, or needs to be let go of for our benefit. I think people who are happy are not only compatible (even if they are opposites they can be compatible as complements) but really accept their partners and support their partners healthy personal growth without trying to control or change them (or the relationship) into someone they really aren't or aren't meant to be. I think happy couples can also feel relaxed around each other, trust each other, nurture one another's talents and individual life passions, and give themselves and each other space to be who they are and change and grow without feeling threatened. Such feelings arise from our own insecurities. Anyway, I bought this book because I want to practice mindfulness and be a better person for myself and also for the people around me -not just romantic partners.
I digress; getting back to the author... I like David Richo's style, though the writing is more simple and not literary genius. It is also very, very repetitive, but I like that it is repetitive so the key points get driven into my brain. He also writes in a more loose style, which is very suitable for a book on mindfulness. Not everyone will appreciate that and some may prefer a more scholarly or western-style authoritative and linear approach. David Richo's style works for me, and I'll definitely buy other books of his. I am also interested in learning about mindful eating to develop a healthier relationship with food and be a physically healthier person. Healthy body, mind, soul... we are all constant works in progress.
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